The Reason Ryan Shouldn't Wear Cargo Shorts

The Master of His Domain

Friday night was so much fun!

We went to see Jerry Seinfeld downtown at Jones Hall.

Yeah, that's right....I said DOWNTOWN.

As in..........one way streets, parking garages, and Metro routes.

As in..............fancy Downtown, my friend.

You have NO IDEA how fancy I feel when I get to go downtown and pretend like I belong there in the "THEATER DISTRICT".

I like saying "THEATER DISTRICT".

Except I like to say it like this:
"The-ah-TAH"

Yeah, that's right...........guess where I was Friday night?

"In the THE-Ah-TAH" DISTRICT with friends....

sitting in FANCY CHAIRS".

Red. Velvet. Fancy. Chairs.

Fancy Downtown Houston I'm In A Fancy Place Chairs.

Fancy Chairs That Rich Season-Ticket-Holders from River Oaks sit in on a regular basis.

Fancy Chairs that people sit in to see Operas and Plays and such.

Fancy Chairs that Andrea sat in on Friday night.
On Row F.
Not in the balcony.


Not in the Mezzanine.
Not in the NoseBleed Section.

But on ROW F/ORCHESTRA LEVEL.
(Goldilocks bought the tickets.....she bought in style!)

You know that scene in "Caddyshack" (the funniest movie EVER made)
where they let the caddies swim once a summer
from 1:00-1:15?



I keep thinking the "THEATER DISTRICT" powers that be
all got together one day and said,
"Okay, let's let these Sorry Suburb Losers in for this one night to sit in the Fancy Chairs."

"And then, after they leave, we'll hire a disinfecting crew to scour the place
and do away with their low-class suburban Oprah-watching cooties"

Moving on from Andrea's Little Inferiority Complex Issues:

We went with Paul and Laurie D..........


and Goldilocks and her crew!
From left to right: "The Goldilocks Crew"
Goldi's Step Brother "C", Trey, PappaBear, Da'Ole Bear

I guess Trey and "C" are having some sort of iPhone contest?

Or maybe they are texting their friends saying,
You are NOT gonna believe the fancy chairs in this place......
and they let US sit in them!

Check out the fancy colored shirts on this bunch!


"Suburban people"....pfffft.......so drab, huh?
But they still let us sit in the Fancy Chairs once every year.

Thank you Theater District!

I Hope I Age This Gracefully

HAPPY 61ST BIRTHDAY
STEVIE!
May 26, 1948

Gosh, I hope I look like this when I'm 61!
Treat yourself to one of my favorites:
"Beautiful Child"

St. Peter's Deli

If Heaven has a deli,
I'm quite sure this is the number one selling sandwich.

"St. Peter........I'll have one BLT, a Diet Coke, and a fluffy cloud please....

oh, and I would like a room on the Tudor/Windsor wing so I can chum around with Henry VIII and Princess Diana".

Until that day when I actually GET to Heaven,
(where I will meet said British royalty, every animal that I have ever loved, and Dian Fossey so I can ask her who really murdered her),
I will just have to continue to make these little gems of a sandwich myself.

STEP ONE:
THE BACON

I am oober picky about cooking my bacon.
I like it crunchy and flat.
To do this takes patience......lots of patience.

For me to make BLT's for the four of us requires at least a 45 minute commitment of standing in one spot in front of the skillet to fry 2 lbs. of bacon.

The lengths I won't go to for this family.
(But it is soooooooooooooo worth it:-)
"Cook it pretty low and flip it often"

STEP TWO:
THE TOAST

I toast mine and then stand it up on a plate like this to let it cool.
There is NOTHING yuckier than putting mayo on hot toast.

STEP THREE:
THE CONDIMENTS

Okay, THIS is where my mother will think I'm straying from my "roots",
but it just HAS to be REAL MAYO.

And it also has to be Hellmans.
(Maybe at St. Peter's Heaven Deli, it's called "Heaven"mans???)

Garrett likes his with mustard and while I do kinda consider that a BLT sin, it's a relatively minor one so I'll let it slide........

but I could NEVER let this slide:

EXHIBIT A:
BLT SIN CONDIMENT

People that put Miracle Whip on a BLT should be spanked,
put in time out,
and banned from BLT's in the afterlife.

I thought this was interesting:
On my newest jar of Hellman's it says:
"New Easy Open Cap".

I was unaware that opening a cap on a mayo jar had become so difficult?

STEP FOUR:
THE VEGGIES

ICEBERG Lettuce.
NOT that fancy lacey leafy stuff.
If someone is using that, make them go sit with the Miracle Whip people in the naughty corner.
Freshest Tomatoes you can find:
These tomatoes are fairly ripe store bought ones,
but if you can get your hands on some of THESE:

then consider yourself truly blessed by the BLT Culinary Fairy.

St. Peter's Heaven Deli ONLY uses fresh-off-the-vine tomatoes, I'm sure.

In the summer months, when I find myself blessed by the culinary fairy
(otherwise known in my house as Sally, my sweet tomato growin' neighbor)
and have some homegrown tomatoes, there are inappropriate ooohs and ahhhhs coming from the table once I take that first bite.......

Homegrown tomatoes can take the sounds of a BLT from
G-Rated to PG-13
in one bite flat.

STEP FIVE:
ASSEMBLY

Pay attention here!
There is an order that MUST be obeyed.
Bacon on one side...............
Lettuce on the other..........
Tomatoes in the middle.

Yes, the tomatoes MUST go in BETWEEN the bacon and the lettuce.
Otherwise...the bread can get soggy.



Here is one of my favorite "assemblers" assembling his masterpiece.

STEP SIX:
WELCOME TO NIRVANA
CAN I GET AN AMEN????
Go make one...........you know you want to.

Moving Too Fast

Happy 15th Birthday, Garrett.

"I play Stevie Ray.........yook at me....I play Stevie Ray"

In the all too near future......................

I'll need to buy you some shaving cream, huh?


We love you!