Do you have your EASTER dress?

Alternate title for the above picture:

"REASONS TO PICK OUT A CRAPPY REST HOME FOR YOUR PARENTS"

Housework Can Be Dangerous

Okay, so if you didn't read the last post (Surprise In the Dishwasher),
just know that the above picture is REAL.



This really is a snake and it really was in our friend's dishwasher after their house flooded last week.




It made me consider just how dangerous housekeeping can be if done properly.



Just today I went to do some laundry and BAM.....................




No laundry today........................




I must consider my safety ........I mean, who would pick everyone up from school if I was dead on the bathroom floor from a bite from this guy?





Then I thought about doing a little dusting since you could pretty much write a novel with your finger on any surface in our house............but BAM.............



EEEK!.....................safety first.





I "WANTED" to cook something fabulous for dinner

but......................................





..........looks like it's another Chick-a Vay kind of night.



And with all this spare time I had left........

since I couldn't do my normal "Wednesday housekeeping" schedule,


I EVEN considered going upstairs for the monthly viewing of "What In God's Name Have The Kids Been Doing Up Here".........



but, alas........................................



Blocked. No upstairs for me today.




Finally, I considered bathing Ruthie since she smells like rotting wet gym socks,

but even THAT plan was ruined.





So I guess I have no choice but to sit on the couch and clean a few Oprahs off the ol' DVR.

I think my friend's snake-in-the-dishwasher episode was God's way of saying, "Take it easy on the housekeeping.........things could get dangerous."

Surprise in the Dishwasher.....a "Guest" post.

Some of the "BIG TIME" bloggers out there often feature a guest blogger.

I guess that's what happens when you are so HUGE and IMPORTANT, you have to have someone guest post just so you can have a day or two to answer your gabillion emails.

I do not have that problem................however, I'm going to post a story that Trey's friend/client/golf buddy/tennis buddy/racquetball buddy sent me this morning.

It is hugely entertaining in a creepy kind of way! Enjoy!

Ladies and Gentlemen..........I give you my very first guest blog entry.....by Ken L.

By: Ken L.

Saturday afternoon, about 1pm.

The golf tournament is on and its time for me to have lunch, kick back on the couch and dine while watching Tiger stomp the field.

As usual, I asked Kim to make me a sandwich for lunch. She brought me the sandwich, but then I needed a nice, cool beverage to wash it down with.

"Kim", I hollered from my reclined dining position on the coach, eyes still affixed to the TV, "will you bring me a drink please, too".

She opened the dishwasher to grab a clean glass and I then heard.....

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


...Ok, the gears start turning and burning in my head. What would possibly cause her to shriek like that.....


Did she cut herself? No, not a bloody scream.


Did the dishwasher fall out of the holder? No, the scream had too much emphasis. This was important!


Did the dogs eat something gross? No, not enough disgust in the scream.


"Oh", I thought, "The dogs ate my chips off the counter" A usual issue here at our house.


But then I heard it....


"Kenny....THERE'S A SNAKE IN THE DISHWASHER!!!!!"



I jumped from the couch, heaved the dishwasher open, and TADAAAH....




There was a snake in the dishwasher!



Ok...stay calm. Hmmm...Do I kill it, do I catch it....Oh, I got it.......lets get the camera and take pictures!!!!!!


So I got a few good pics. But then he started to slither away....now what.


If he gets away, where does he go? Will he be back? Are there more? Is that thing poisonous? Hmmm....


...and all the while I ponder he is disappearing from sight....THINK FAST!!!!!



I grabbed some tongs from the kitchen, but they were really short. Too short for me, in fact. I wasn't getting bit, that’s for sure.
Here is what the experts say about a pit viper bite, which is what a moccasin is (Cottonmouth)...

The cardinal signs and symptoms of pit viper envenomation include: burning pain (the commonest, earliest sign), puncture wound (50% of the time accompanied by a bloody ooze), swelling, skin discoloration, nausea and vomiting, minty, metallic, rubbery taste in the mouth, sweating, chills, numbness and tingling of the mouth, face, scalp, and wound site, ecchymosis and production of blebs and blisters, erythema and edema progressing from the wound site, weakness, vertigo, haematemesis epistaxis, muscle fasiculations, paralysis, shock, convulsions, loss of sphincter control, melena haematuria, and renal shutdown. Envenomation may include some or all of these symptoms, depending on the severity of envenomation.


yeah, not for me.....



Then Kim says, "If he disappears and you can't show me a dead snake, I am outta here!!!!!"




Well, gotta do what you gotta do.


I grabbed the tools from the garage and started to dismantle the dishwasher in record time, all the while thinking the vibrations from the drill was pissing that thing off and it was gonna jump out any minute.

I couldn't properly dismantle the dishwasher, so I did what any male would do in this situation...

use brute force, a hammer, and a crowbar!!!!!

I got the dishwasher lid off, which is where the snake had gone. I could see him in there, just chillin'.




I took the lid of the dishwasher outside and threw it off into the street.

There it was...a juvenile water moccasin!!!!

He was PISSED!!!!! He was striking every time I got near him. He was small, but I have heard that regardless of the size, they pack a pretty good wallop of poison.



So, as any typical man would do, I chopped his head off with a shovel.....


We then had to head to Best Buy for a new dishwasher. The old one was just that, old. It still worked well, but I can guarantee you it wasn't going to be put back together and still function properly.


So, by the time all this is said and done, that'll be almost $900, with installation.

That works out to about $85/inch of moccasin.


The million dollar question.....

Are there more?


This was a pretty small snake...a juvenile. Where are his brothers and sisters?

Hopefully, we won't ever find out....


Ken

Funny Friday

This picture made me laugh.

WOW---there sure is a lot of "negative space" on my page with this picture.

This is me typing a bunch of words to take up the "dead space" that this picture has left.

Words, words, words, words, words...........Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country. (That's what my mother used to type in the typewriter to wow me with her mad typing skillz)

Here I am typing more words just to make the post look prettier because I didn't really have anything to say, I just loved this picture and wanted a light hearted funny thing to post today.

Here are some more words, I am typing words, if there were someone watching me right now, they would think I was typing a real post and not just filling up space.

WHEW! Now THAT looks better!