Chick Fil A "Can I Just Say?" (Chapter 2 of 2)

If you haven't read Chapter 1 of this saga, (listed in the blog post just below this one) just know this:
I do love Chick-Fil-A. (or as we lovingly refer to it in our house..."Chick-A-Vay") I think they are a great business and we frequent them often......maybe a little too often.

HOWEVER!................................

Going thru the drive-thru of Chick-Fil-A lately has become an exercise in Lightning Speed Multitasking.

Bottom line is that it STRESSES ME OUT.

This has been bugging me for quite some time so before I started to blog about it, I thought I would google some key words just to see if maybe I was the only crazy person on the planet that actually put thought into fast food drive thru procedures.

When I googled something along the lines of "Chick-Fil-A too fast drive thru" I came across this clever blog entry by 3girlsmom! She made me feel like I wasn't the only one that felt a little rushed during the whole drive thru ordeal! I read her post, patted myself on the back with validation, asked her if I could link her (she said yes!) and began my post to be read and enjoyed by my five or six multitude of readers!

"Here's the Thing": (As Kara Dioguardi would say)

Once you place that order at the microphone, you have unknowingly activated the "Psycho Speed Ordering System" inside that building. It must start the moment your order is complete and the sweet voice says, "Heather will be happy to help you at the window."

That phrase starts the whole machine in motion: "Heather will be happy to help you at the window".

Do NOT be fooled by the kind voice. IT'S A TRAP, PEOPLE!

What that sweet voice REALLY means is this:

"Heather will all be happy to help you at the window to see how fast our skillfully trained team of MANY can toss, launch, hurl, and throw your order into your car so rapidly you won't know what hit you. "

The drive-thru lane has become so consumed with how "many" people it can get through the line, how "many" people they can have working back there and at what speed they can complete the ordering process, it makes the whole event a blood pumping, heart-rate-accelerating-adventure similar to the scariest roller coaster ride at a Disney theme park.

You gotta have your "A-Game" READY once you make the decision to pull up in that line, people.

There's no mamby pamby messin' around with THIS drive thru line.

It AIN'T your grandma's drive thru..............it's a lesson in chaotic efficiency.

When I approach the drive thru "queue" (I love pretending I'm British) I feel like one of those boxers in the corner of the ring when they are jumping up and down saying, "I'm ready, okay, I'm goin' in".....

and they bang their gloves together and take their thumb and rub their nose...........are you getting the visual?

In preparation for placing my order, I have developed a military-like checklist in my head all the while I'm inching up to the holy uproar that awaits me.

I know that 87 arms are lurking behind that tiny window ready to chunk my order at me, get their "My Pleasure's" out, and move on to the next victim behind me in line.

Here's a little hint to have a more successful experience: You MUST have people in the car to lend a hand.........this is not something that can really be done alone.

You are going to need to assemble and train your OWN team in the car to tackle this adventure.....if you are by yourself, ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION, and head over to McDonalds........trust me, it's not worth it. You can't handle an operation like this alone. You NEED extra hands.

Remember, it's not just you against ONE.....it's you against a drive-thru TEAM.

Four, Five, sometimes even SIX people all working like a well oiled machine at that window! They have sacks to dispense, drinks to maneuver, money to take..............

And they are on some sort of Crazy Speed Clock from Hell........

And They. Mean. Business.


Here's a taste of a typical drive thru scene:
Andrea, G, and R 25 feet from the window.
Andrea says, "ALL HANDS ON DECK, WAKE UP PEOPLE, WE ARE GETTING CLOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

22 feet from the window.

Debit card out?................check.

20 feet to the window

Are the cup holders empty and ready?.............check.
(God forBID you have to make them wait to move something around to clear out a cup holder.........this could cause pandemonium)

15 feet to the window......heart rate increasing.

Is the passenger in your car ready, willing, and able to take things to hold while you frantically juggle the next object from the assembly line of hands pawing at you, reaching for you, all screaming "my pleasure" "my pleasure" "my pleasure".
G WAKE UP! PUT THE IPOD AWAY! I NEED YOU! YOU CAN'T JUST SIT THERE! WE'RE ABOUT TO BE AT THE WINDOW! ...............okay, check.

10 feet from the window.....palms sweaty

Do you know what sauce you need and the correct quantity?
I SAID, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT SAUCE YOU NEED AND THE QUANTITY"?

5 feet from the window

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT SAUCES THERE ARE? THERE IS NO TIME FOR THAT! LET'S GO! GO! GO!

2 feet from the window.........ummmmm....ummmmmmm......

"NEVERMIND...YOU'LL GET POLYNESIAN AND YOU'LL LIKE IT!"

Arrive at window.

(At this point, it's really just a blurry lively mess of hand to hand exchanges, flying red and white bags, friendly faces, countless "My Pleasure"'s! that really sound more like this: MY PLEASURE NOW GET MOVING!)

And.....................then, like a flash of lightning, a bad dream, or a spanking..... it's over.

Take a deep breath. "Is everyone okay?"

You pull forward, park, and in a bewildered traumatized trance look around to do a quick damage assessment.

You try to find your debit card or change that was tossed by "Team member #1-Currency Propeller" somewhere during the battle.

You clean up the spilled drinks that didn't quite make it to the cup holder before the next one was propelled into your vehicle by "Team member#2--Liquids Liason".

You pause to divvy up the waffle fries that have all abandoned their sweet red holders and are now nothing but a tangled jumbled heap of starchy goo in the bottom of the sack. All courtesy of "Team member#3--Sack Slinger".

You look in the back seat to see who is crying/pissed off/upset that you didn't have time to ask "Team member#4---Sauce Boss" for Honey Mustard and only managed to make it out with a couple Polynesians. "I had to get out, honey,....there just wasn't time.....THE SAUCE BOSS WAS LOOKING AT ME FUNNY............I HAD TO EVACUATE!"

(Thank goodness nobody wanted a shake, or that would have involved the services of yet another set of hands........"Team Member#5--IcyTreat Launcher")

You gather up your thoughts and head out of the parking lot glancing back in your rearview mirror at all the other soldiers left in the lane.

You say a little prayer for those left behind that they will have the organization, strength, and wisdom to make it out alive and unscathed.

All in the name of Chicken...............really awesome, great, yummy, honeyish, chicken.